Going through my parents' divorce was one of the most impactful experiences that I have ever had. And almost nine years later, I still learn how to cope and manage everything that comes my way in life by drawing from the biggest change my family went through.
I was 13 years old when my father told me the words that no parent imagines saying to their children - "mom and I are getting a divorce". I spent 13 years with what I had thought of as a "normal" family, then suddenly it was all ripped from beneath my feet.
Besides being almost a freshman in high school (talk about insecurities already), my emotions became on full display. After I initially found out about the divorce, I was admittedly angered. I even at times despised them. I began to blame them for ruining my own sense of trust and insecurity of relationships. But like most kids that come from a broken home, I was mostly just confused. But through the years and experiences that I've gained, I've learned to look at the whole thing on the brighter side with all of the things that it's taught me.
Change is the Only Constant in Life
From the very beginning of the whole experience, I learned that change is ultimately inevitable. Whether we are ready for it or not, life is always going to throw curve balls our way! And instead of trying to hide or run from it, it's something that should be completely embraced. It will help to prepare us for the unexpected, excitement, and tragedy that comes with carrying on in life.
No One is Perfect
Everyone is human. Yes, even our parents! They are capable of breaking down, having moments of weakness, and have areas that can always be improved upon. And it was a key part in the whole thing to be able to understand and move on. My parents will never be perfect and I will never be either, but whatever life has to bring, things will always work itself out.
Acceptance Equals Happiness
Instead of fighting all of the things that we can't control, we need to be able to accept it. And that means knowing that everything in our life goes the way that it does because it's all in the design. Since it is, that means that you can grow from it! We all know that when we marry that divorce is never ideal, but I've come to realize that sometimes it's in the best interest for everyone involved. We have to be willing to accept the things thrown in the paths of our lives as things that are just meant to be and use them as a tool to educate ourselves.
Don't Focus on the Small Stuff
When you go through a drastic change, you learn not to fuss over the little things. Of course it isn't always as easy as it seems, but when you have an understanding of it - knowing that in an hour, day, or shoot, even a year it will pass quickly and without affect - then you can have an understanding of not focusing on it.
There is Always an Unknown Strength Within
When the world feels to crumble around you, there is always a strength within that we can draw from in order to get over every hurdle and rise again. And that means staying positive and putting our mind into every situation to become more resilient. Which also taught me how to be independent. They taught me that although it is okay to lean on someone, it is also so important to establish independence and do things yourself. While also showing me my mother's strength. She had to overcome the obstacles of being a single mom, sole provider, worker, and student all rolled into one. She's the one that showed me the power within. So when things get rough I just remind myself of how strong I am, and keep on going!
From Experience Comes Wisdom
I had to adapt to the idea of having two different lives in separate homes (although it didn't last long) and accepting new relationships in my life. Going through a sudden drastic change expanded my mind to a whole new world. A world with all new opportunities and change through experience. I think the most where i learned this was when I tried to live with my dad. From it, I realized that you can give someone all YOUR time and energy, but that doesn't always mean that THEY will give you theirs.
The Value of True Family
It made me appreciate everything that my family had to offer. Especially when my dad faded out of the picture. It taught me that true family will always be there when you need someone to turn to. It gave me strength my bond with my mother and siblings. Made me look at all of the things they valued in my life and how I would feel if they also left suddenly from my life. Ultimately making me see the value the each held in my life.
It is the Ultimate Prep Course for Life
I know that through every up and down of the divorce, came a strong, resilient, and well-rounded woman that I have come to know today. And one of the most valuable things I learned was the key to any relationship with anyone in your life - communication. They taught me that positive dialogue is the best way to approach situations. And they also taught me the ability to forgive. I'm no longer angry over my parents' divorce because I know that it doesn't matter anymore and I've seen the long term effects of it. It happened, and I've moved on, and I wouldn't change it at all because it's made me who I am today. The things that I experienced have been motivation to how I deal with changes, relationships, and challenges in my life. And I am forever grateful.
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