It‘s officially December (yes I know it’s a day late), and bearing the end of 2020. But as we close out the year being thankful for all of the lessons and things that this year has brought me, there are also a few (7 to be exact) things that I want to work on this month to bring into 2021.
Stop talking so much about my problems.
Those of you that have been following the blog for a while, know that I talk A LOT about honest and real parts about my marriage, kids, and journey in motherhood. Sometimes putting myself out there so much that it can come back against me. Which of course I know that putting stuff out there will ultimately lead to people knowing things about my life. That’s just the way it goes. But, I think that sometimes people just look at my stuff to know the bad things.
And I want to be able to find that balance. Being raw and real, but not allowing people to feed off of it in a negative light. And I think I’ll do so by starting to focus on more of the good. Which doesn’t mean what I’ll be writing isn’t real. It just means that I’ll be starting push things that cause any anxiety, stress, and complaining to the side so that I can get rid of a lot of resentment and bitterness that I live with. Obviously a huge task for me.
Use the 3, 5, and 12 rule with people in my life.
So there’s this thing called the 3, 5, and 12 rule. Which goes as followed...You have 3 people in your life that are the people you are the closest to. The people that you are able to share the most with, being completely open with them. Them knowing most parts of you and vice versa. The ones that I want to hold tight to. The ones I want to invest, love, and make more time for.
Then there’s the 5. The people you are still close to, but that you have some boundaries with. The ones that I want to share life with just the same as the first 3, but also have more rules when it comes to letting them into certain aspects, such as my marriage or parenting.
Lastly, there’s the 12. The ones that I love hanging out with and still want to live life with, but that I have more strict boundaries with.
Be more in tune with my own actions and feelings.
Listen, we are NOT going to go to heaven on anyone’s back. Meaning that we are not responsible for the feelings or actions of anyone but ourselves. Sure, I feel that I am responsible for living everyone anyways because we all fall short at times. But in this, I’m realizing that if, for example, another person in the family has an issue with a different, that it is not my place to get involved. The only thing that I am responsible for is myself. And I am not going to walk I to heaven with anyone that I choose to protect nor back up. I will be carrying nothing but my own actions.
Which means that I want to start focusing more on living my own life. Making my own decisions. Living anyways. Forgiving. And choosing to focus on the path that God has set before me. Instead of holding onto someone else’s hand that could lead me to resentment, anger, or bitterness.
Know that an invitation is not an obligation.
Now this one works for me in two ways.
The first being that I don’t really invite a lot of people to do things or just to come over. So when I do and they don’t show up, my feelings get hurt. Which puts a ton of pressure on the people in my life that honestly isn’t fair. Because I am selfishly wanting them to show up for me. Making me realize that if someone doesn’t show up that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be in my life. It could just mean that they have other things going on in their life right now or maybe they just didn’t want to come. We’ve all been there in one way or the other. And both are perfectly fine.
But on the flip side, I also shouldn’t feel obligated to do something’s just because I am invited as well. Instead, I need to start giving myself the freedom to start saying no without the guilt, so that when I do say yes, I can do so without the resentment.
It‘s okay to have an imperfect home.
Being a mom, especially a stay-at-home mom and married into a Hispanic family, I’ve always felt this pressure to have a house perfectly clean and organized. And after I had my in-law family over this last weekend, I realized that’s not the dream at all.
I mean think about it. Every house that I have felt the most comfortable at, has been imperfect. With clutter, a little dirt on the floor, and chaos. Because it makes me feel like home.
And I want our house to be the one that all of our family, friends, and children’s friends feel comfortable dining to. Something warm and welcoming. An imperfect home that allows everyone to breathe. Turning our house into a refuge for the world rather than a refuge from the world.
Which means letting go of the need for perfection. Letting go of the tiny bits of mud on the floors from the kids playing outside or husband coming home. Letting go of a few toys sprinkled across the living room. And especially letting go of the “don‘t touches”. Because that’s not a life that I want. That’s not a life I want for my kids. And I’m sure it’s not a life my friends or family want to walk into either.
Stop being afraid to ask or apologize for asking.
If you know me, then you know that I’ve always been really bad at using apologetic language. In almost every conversation that I have. Which is both cowardice and hesitant. Neither appealing or called for.
But I want to be able to ask for things without fear and confidence. I mean, even though it may be looked at as so negative, really the worst thing that I could get is a no. Which I’m sure will require me to take a leap of faith most of the time.
Start taking my thoughts more captive.
As y’all know from my brain dump post, my mind sometimes likes to run wild. To where I need to sit down and write down every bit that’s going on, or else it annoyingly lingers there.
But while I’ve found the brain dump very helpful, I need to dive a little deeper. Because honestly thoughts are the foundation of everything I do. They help with the trajectory of mine and my family’s day, the words that I speak, and ultimately the relationships that I form. And I want to get to a place where I no longer allow those thoughts that can ruin these things get stuck in my head even in the slightest.
So, I want to create another list (I’ll be making a post about it soon). Where I create a list to write down the lie that I am believing, the truth next to it (usually a piece of scripture that can make them more obedient to God), areas that I can improve, and what my identity is.