Right now, my husband and I's love is small. Not in a bad way...not at all. Our love has stood for eight years now. We've survived teenage mood swings and jealousy, moves, and now are here knee-deep in parenting a crazy toddler and forever teething 8-month-old.
But our love is small right now because we honestly just don't have time for the big love we once had. The excitement and energy that fueled our dating life quickly transformed. Because right now, our love is fueled by routine. My alarm goes off at 4 am sharp. Rising before the sun to have "me time" - showering, drinking coffee, and making his lunches. And then it's his turn. Getting dressed in 5-10 minutes before he packs up his tools. And that kiss just as he walks out the door is quick, and sometimes the only real bit of closeness we'll get for the day.
Throughout the day, I scramble around the house feeding tiny humans, dressing them, coming up with activities to keep them happy. And then the clock strikes 12:30 pm, and I get that lunch time phone call that can sometimes be the break that I need to turn a bad day into a good.
Which is why I know that although our love is small right now, it is not weak. Because our love is shown through the dancing around the kitchen, swaying back forth as he shows me a new favorite song. It's that secret snack tucked into your lunchbox when he didn't know we had it or the back scratches in bed before we fall asleep. It's when he reaches over to hold my hand as we watch a movie, when we aren't big hand holders. It's when he watches the kids so that I can catch up on chores, go buy some books, or just have a break. Its is when he sits across from me not glancing at his phone or finding anything else to look at, but actually looking me right in the eyes. Because he is letting me know that he is attentively listening to me. Showing me that he is truly interested in everything that I have to say. It's when he smiles, hugs, and kisses me without warning. Because it just brightens my day. It's more than the typical last thing that he does before he leaves and first thing that he does when he gets home. It's when he takes the time to compliment me when I feel like I am not doing enough or look the worst. Because it boosts my confidence and let's me know that he truly sees the little and big things that I do. Making me feel loved and appreciated. It's when he simply just wants to spend time with me. Because this is the time that I feel connected to him on a different level. Allowing us to have great conversations, laugh, and just be happy in each other's presence. It's when he encourages me to achieve my goals. Because he realizes that although I am a stay-at-home-mom, that I still have dreams and that we can figure them out together. He makes me want to push through all of the feelings of giving up, hindrances, and roadblocks. It's when he says I love you out of more than habit. Because it truly makes me feel loved.
Which is why I know that although our love is small right now, all of those small things are actually the big things in our life. It is never being too old to grab some snacks to stay up and watch a movie together. It is never being too afraid to talk through our arguments over holding grudges. It is always standing together and having the grace to forgive each other for our faults.
And I know that loving me must sometimes feel like a never-ending marathon. As a man who already carries everything on his shoulders. I imagine that he feels stressed and heavy some days. And I know how much he longs for a break and the couch or bed when he gets home. But it's that kiss on the cheek he gives me as he walks into the house while I do the dishes, feeling his warmth against my skin after a long day that restore me. Because the way that he loves me - in a messy bun, stained clothes, and just straight torn-up - that makes me believe that our love is something special.
A love that is small right now - on the surface. And may even be bland, boring, or ordinary to the outside world. But we know that it is SO much more than that. It's well-worn, but never worn-out. It's steady, but never insignificant. We are learning every day on how to balance our marriage, our "me time", and our family - every. single. day. We are learning what it means to be young parents, with young children. Figuring out what morals and values to instill in them, what kind of family we want to be, and what marriage we want them to see.
So yes, our love is small right now. But it's actually huge in it's own way. It's walking through life together as we run a home, it's finding romance in stolen moments, it's pushing through rough times, and it's raising a family the way we want. It's figuring this all out TOGETHER. And our love may look quite different than it did pre-children, but that's just because we are thriving in huge little ways together, every day.
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