I don't think that I've realized just how much my husband loves his hobbies until this past year. He's gotten a motorcycle, bought two fixer-upper old school cars, practices roping, taken up mountain biking, tried out leather working (which only lasted one day), and much much more.
Which also made me do a little math...which went a little something like this: 168 hours in a week - 40 hours of a career = 128 - 56 hours of sleep = 72 hours per week of so "free time". And if his priorities are 1. Being a dad, 2. Being a husband, and 3. Dedicating his time to some hobbies and 1 & 2 are really almost a tie, then he is really spending the remainder of his time as 40/40/20...or maybe even 50/40/10. This means that of these 72 hours of free time, my husband spends about 36 hours dedicated to the children - playing/teaching/talking/listening/disciplining, over 28 hours with me partnering/talking/relaxing/listening/helping, and a little over 7 hours doing whatever else.
Admittedly though, the math is no good. There are different roles that he has in each day that overlap and spill into one another, and with being on active duty right now over his normal construction job, may work less than 40 hours, plus sleep less than 56, and never stops really being a husband/dad. But, with all of those hours, I'm glad that my husband has at least seven hours a week to do whatever he enjoys without having to feel guilty about it.
I mean, I spend my "seven hours" with my friends, writing, or even binge watching my new favorite shows. So I love that my husband has his own go-to list of things. Because honestly, if you don't have a thing, or ten, that you can enjoy outside of your marriage and family, then maybe you should. Because then you're not really living. I mean, life is meant to be enjoyed. We enjoy 99.9% of our lives, and I think that a larger part of that is to thank all of the things that bring us joy.
And if you're still asking how do I keep my hobbies and marriage, then here are my three tips:
Courtesy
I'll be honest, with the kind of marriage that we have and the man that my husband is, he's not the best at knowing or realizing all of the things going on in mind. He never really thinks about all of the moving parts of our family in the same ways that I have to. I'm always sort of anticipating what's to come next and he's mostly just winging it. So for our marriage's security, my husband always likes to do a quick check in with me so that I don't feel abandoned, even though it may be as simple as playing a video game in the same room. In short, we're all about asking for permission first.
Transparency
A.k.a. honesty. Any time that my husband knows that he'll be taking a significant amount of time away from our family, he's always honest and realistic about it. It makes me feel much better to just know an advance that he'll be gone for a few hours than expecting him to only be out for 30 minutes.
Appropriate Priorities
This doesn't mean that your hobbies or activities have to take the back burner while you're with your partner. That is not right or the answer. Not even close, in my opinion. But it does mean that we should still continuously be mindful that we have real life relationships that also need your attention.