Oh my sweet AnnaLynne,
I cannot believe that you are one! I remember how much I prayed for you at this point last year. Given that you were the hardest pregnancy - throwing up the whole time, no pregnancy weight gaining, constant anatomy scans, and even bed rest from five months. It was nine painful months of waiting. Which I was actually okay with initially. Being that I wanted to give your brother as much alone time as possible and moving into our first place. But I also remember wondering if the pregnancy would ever end. I just wanted to hold you and meet you...but also realized that the final days of EVER being pregnant again would come to an end as well.
The day you were born, was the happiest and saddest day of my life. Not only were you my last baby, but you also came out in a horrible way (not breathing, cord wrapped around three times, and as blue as blue gets). But once all the scary parts were done - you were this perfect little pink baby that looked like an angel had kissed you - which now that I think about it, maybe they did after all. I think that overall I was in shock by it all...you came so fast (two minutes, beating your brother's record by one minute) and I couldn't believe you were here. But I always knew you and your brother were always meant to be in mine and your father's lives.
In time, I know I'll fall short in your eyes in some ways. I know that I'll make mistakes and that I will continue too. I'm only human. And I know that you'll be mad at me or even disappointed, it's all part of this family thing that I signed up for. With mountains for you to move and climb, getting hurt and messy at times yourself. Being right next to you encouraging your determination as you generate so much hope and love in just existing. That's the gift of and your brother - being a reminder of who we are all are at our core. Having an opportunity for more acceptance, courage, and love.
Now, I'm not here to own you, I'm here to encourage you, To teach you. To love you. And to accept you as you are. Not to guide you or help you grow because I think that you already innately do that. And I'm just grateful to witness you do it. Because that pride on your face that you or your brother get when you've mastered a new skill is...well, priceless. Something that I wish that I could bottle up to store and share with the world. Well I guess I do in some ways, video taping and snapping photos more than my phone can even handle.
Because you guys are just too much. You are both wise beyond your years. You are always watching and studying everyone around you. Seeing how and why people are doing what they are doing, to then try it on your own. Often frustrated by your own physical limitations. Wanting to run when you can barely walk - literally, and more so since you are the youngest in the family. Always wanting to keep up with your cousins and brother. And you don't like that "can't" of it all. You're wildly independent. In fact, you are even impatient in times. Which I get...I mean just like everyone says, you are my twin in personality.
You also have the ability to comprehend things I thought were way out of your reach until I see it. Seeming to get things that I'm saying all of the time - and also actively choosing to ignore them at the same time. I don't know how you understand some things, but you do, It's like the kids stuff is just easy as pie, and you're ready to be older than you really are.
You're goofy too. Loving to dance - especially while eating, but always when ANY music comes on. One of your favorite things to do is tackle people. Doing it during play times, falling over all of us. And you think it's the funniest thing in the world. And I love to tickle your little raspberry of a birth mark, anything to hear those little baby giggles, especially after not hearing them for so long. While you've always been a happy baby, smiling at everything from the very beginning, you were a little behind on the whole laughing thing. So when you do, it's the best.
And you've had a lot of firsts this year. You took your first poop - with that nasty newborn tar-like look that is so rewarding to us moms. You had your first smile, likely by gas but that adorable gummy smile is simply just swoon-worthy. You rolled over while trying to get your brother's toys. You had your first laugh, probably over the tylenol you had just taken while you were sick, but it counted. You had your first laugh from your brother that hasn't stopped since. You sat up alone without falling over, holding your head high and balancing. You ate your first food...and that ball definitely hasn't stopped rolling - your love just continues to develop. You said your first words, saying "mama", "dada", and "yeah". You first clapped your hands during nursery rhyme time. You had your last bit of breastfeeding. You had all those first holidays. You had your first waves and blowing of kisses of hi and bye. Your first hugs. Your started crawling, making it hit that our baby was starting to not be a baby any more. Then you started standing, then walking assisted, and then walked!
And through it all you've taught me even more about this whole motherhood thing. Where I struggle is with the feeling of losing myself while also embracing the new me. Where I found out how to appreciate your father as a partner more, leaning on him to help take care of one child as I dealt with the other. Where I learned how to care for not only a girl, but a completely different child. Where I learned how to part myself evenly into three different people. Where I found how to split up sibling feuds. Where I learned how to love two little human beings with all of my heart.