The other day I was driving around town, moving boxes, when I looked down and saw my ring. And I began to think about my marriage. Some days it’s hard to believe that my husband and I have been together since we were FOURTEEN! And other days it feels like we’ve been together for a lifetime. But the truth of it all is, somehow I lucked out in the husband department. Even though he is a ridiculous pain in my ass, he is also one of the good ones and I honestly most of the time don’t even deserve him.
The past eight years together has come with so many changes. Between a high school relationship, a big breakup, a wedding, two kids, a slew of jobs, and now a soon-to-be move to a completely different state. And somewhere in the middle there’s vacations, projects, birthdays, holidays, and a whole bunch of chores. Then there you have it...a life. A beautiful life.
A life that we’ve established to be mostly conventional with an untraditional flair. Having a traditional marriage where it works for us. And having what others would say doesn’t fall in a traditional marriage: a view that we are both equal.
In our case equal looks like me waking up at 4 am to have alone time, prepare my family for their day, and having my husband‘s breakfast and lunch ready by the time he leaves at 6 am. It’s him working Monday - Friday, coming home most nights with a hot meal on the table, clean house, and only 2 hours to spend with the kids before they go to sleep. And by the end of the day, it’s both of us being equally tired and equally overwhelmed.
Some weeks equal is even him being gone for extended days or weeks at a time with limited opportunities to call home. And me laying in bed praying for the kids to just fall asleep so I could eat a full meal before bed or maybe even shower for the first time in days.
But all the time, equal is both of us being committed to providing for our family with everything that we can despite how exhausted or beat down we may be.
Sure, my husband won‘t ever change as many diapers as I will. Or make as many bottles. Or cook as many meals with two children attached to his limbs. Or even one day do as many drop offs to school or practices and attend as many parent-teacher meetings. And even understand how overwhelming breastfeeding, cooking, cleaning, and trying to teach our kids every day is. Not even close. But on the opposite side, there’s A LOT that I’ll never understand about his work. I don’t have to fall within strict times of waking up, what I have to do with my day, or hours I have to be somewhere. Because he has given me the opportunity to be a SAHM and have the ability to always rearrange my schedule on a day-to-day basis or ever have to take time off to take care of our kids.
We both have jobs that we love and coincide with each other. He is the worker, the provider, the safety, the decision maker, and the man of the house. I am the maid, the teacher, the enforcer, and the care giver. We are both more than thankful to be within the roles that we are and appreciative of what the other is doing for our family. We are both giving everything we have to raise our little family the way that WE want, even if the methods may be different. It all works for us, and we are equals even in a traditional marriage.
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