This year I started out feeling very distant from God. Wondering how to find my faith, why I didn't fell Him, and how to rekindle that love for God. Becoming complacent and relying on nothing but my feelings until my days felt like a blur lost in chaos, where I stood in it's center. Until I felt silent, empty, and alone. And I yearned hard for a closeness with Him. But I feel like God called me to have this experience, because I think that it's perfectly normal in a Christian's life to experience a feeling of distance with God at some point to be able to properly grow our faith.
My Life Before
Roman 10:17 tells us, "Consequently faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the preached word of Christ." Which I think tells us that we should be on fire for the Lord and that our desire to worship Him should be something so strong that nothing compares to it. But what happens if that fire burns out? Or if it feels as though it is a dwindling flame? Or that there may not have been a spark at all?
I mean, with the world that we live in, I feel like it was hard for me to keep that constant heat. Because I spent so much time being caught up in all of the things that I desired, the activities I had to do, the chores I had to get done, and the people I tried to keep within my life to the point that I was so focused on how "busy" my life was that I eventually treating following my faith as more of a chore than an actual desire. Jesus becoming a God that I was "supposed" to rather than someone that I genuinely loved and wanted to obey. Which made my faith trail off and ultimately lead to where I wasn't giving God nearly enough of the attention that He deserved.
Yet, I still felt this pull to want to find my faith. This feeling of "there's got to be more". A longing for love, purpose, and meaning. But I was still scared. Because spiritually, I always had these "mountain top experiences" where I felt intimately close to God and then would go through a very low point in my walk with God that made me not feel as close anymore. An emotional rollercoaster that attributed to a lot of spiritual frustration.
My Life During
I don't really know when the exact point was, but a few months ago is really when I started my journey to finding my faith again. I just remember walking down the aisles at WalMart, and spotting my now Bible. And feeling this longing to read His Word. Which now I know, that the journey that I longed for was a common experience in which lay in the misunderstanding that God longs for us, and instead of trying to satisfy those longings, we'd rather just run away from Him. And that very day I came home, flipped through it, and dedicated myself to walking through the Bible. Because I always heard that to love Jesus, is to know Him. And that's exactly what I wanted, to know and love God - not superficially as I did before, but deeply this time. And I know that this kind of knowledge is going to take some time, persistence, affection, emotion, and longing - just as any good relationship requires.
And that's something that I think made the fire of my faith start - when I finally was able to admit that I couldn't do this all on my own. That I needed help. And that help is Jesus. Something that I knew didn't require a strict guideline, but an elegant, devastatingly simple design. In which God wants me to wear on my sleeves. Which I think God has really called out for me to do. Because once I started to share my Bible studies and faith discovering on this blog, I felt this overwhelming sense of deep faith and connection to Him. And I think that's really where my perspective on Christ and my faith began to take a real change.
My Life After
For your life to function properly in faith, I knew that I needed to put God in charge. I knew that I need to put completely trust in God to take me where I need to go, doing what I need to do, say what I need to say, and give what I need to give. And as I came back to God, I was ambushed by all of this grace and love in return. And it's really helped me find 2 key things in my faith: My kingdom and my team.
Having a kingdom means being able to see how I may best fit into God's plan. For me, I believe that my kingdom is within all of you and within my family. Which I knew was going to take my team. Individuals who I have connected with that share the same vision, encouraged me to take steps in my faith, and who have even pushed me to look at other visions of faith. And now I know that this is truly living!
My Prayer For Finding Faith
Heavenly Father,
You are here with us. Even though we may be more than unaware of You. You have placed before me a gateway that will lead us to You. And in faith, we are excited to take a step towards You, inviting You to come into our lives in order to teach us, change us, and make us into the people that You have created us to be. And in that we are seeking You, ready for You to lay claim to the rest of our lives for Your purposes and Your glory. And I pray that as we all continue our journey through faith that You take us, and enter us into your amazing presence of love, glory, and grace.
In Jesus' name we pray, AMEN.
Bible Verses to Help You Fall In Love With Jesus
"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations." – Deuteronomy 7:9
"How precious is your unfailing love, O God!" – Psalm 36:7
"You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you." – Psalm 86:5
"But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." – Psalm 86:15
"Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever." – Psalm 136:26
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." – Zephaniah 3:17
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." – John 3:16
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another." – John 15:9-17
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." – Romans 5:8
"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." – Romans 5:2-5
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." – Romans 8:37-39
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." – Galatians 2:20
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved." – Ephesians 2:4-5
"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him." – 1 John 3:1
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." – 1 John 4:7-8
"In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." – 1 John 4:9-11
"Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." – Romans 13:10
"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:8
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