There's always been this stigma around the dreaded idea of the in-laws. From movies and other people's stories. But no one ever talks about the beautiful relationship that can blossom if you water the relationship right.
Look For What They Can Offer
One of the most important things to remember is that every family has their own culture. In that it doesn't make them bad or wrong, but just different. And in order to enjoy the differences is to look for what your in-laws offer you that your family does not. They are completely different people with different strengths.You cannot expect them to act and do all of things in the same exact way that you are used to. Because it's not only unrealistic, but also sets you up for an epic failure.
When you're able to be open in this way, you gain a new perspective on life and are reminded that there are multiple ways to achieve the end goal. You may find that they could actually teach you something new, and dare I say, even enhance your view on something that your own family just couldn't do for you.
Ultimately, most of the time we have to look at ourselves first and at the limitations of our attitudes. So instead of being closed off, be open to the opportunity of growth for a happier life and time with your in-laws.
Communication
Having a healthy relationship with your in-laws, just like any other in your life, means having good communication. It is very important to be able to talk about anything and everything bothering you on both ends of the spectrum. Keeping the lines of communication open lets you get in front of things in a proactive way instead of waiting until something boils over past return.
You should be able to share from the heart and allow trust until it is no longer attainable. And if there is something that is found to be more difficult, then let your partner take the reigns. It is better for them to take on an intense conversation than you at that point.
Make the Effort
Part of being married is understanding the importance that family plays in your spouse's life. In it, there needs to be respect and participation while allowing access to your own life. And that even though they may not always agree with or understand your family dynamics, it's important to always take the first step. It is responsibility to maintain the balance in your family. You never want to put your spouse in a situation where they feel as though they have to choose between you and their family.
Set Clear Boundaries
Sometimes the in-laws want to help can quickly go from endearing to invasive. So it's important to establish boundaries with your in-laws. I know, it's easier said than done, but it's not impossible. And having healthy boundaries are what keep us sane and foster a friendlier relationship.
Determine the boundaries ahead of time. Without having an established understanding between you and your spouse on the values of your family, then it's hard to communicate them to any outsider. Next, communicate these boundaries with your in-laws. When they are able to full understand what your choices are and why they are, they are more inclined to avoid problems later on down the road. Sometimes, explaining in clear words and with clear intent is the best way to handle it.
And if there are lines crossed, sometimes all you have to do is appreciate their suggestions. Because that's all they truly are, suggestions. Just because they say them it does not mean you have to live by them, they're just another view to take into account.
Separate Your Marriage
Remember that no matter what relationship that you have with your in-laws, it has nothing to do with your marriage. And that means that their behaviors do not reflect at all how your spouse feels.
They are People Too
Your in-laws have needs, concerns, doubts, and feelings. Just the same as you. So treat them just as you would anyone else you're getting to know. You have to be willing to let go of your expectations about how things should go and work with the way that things are.. This means accepting your in-laws as they come, along with their baggage of nonnegotiable tendencies. Remember, the heart is a very generous muscle, and there's more than enough love to spread in the world. So why not start with your in-laws?
This is my mother-in-law, Blanca. She raised my husband as a single mother. And we could not be more alike, which also means that we could bump heads from time-to-time. But the thing that we are always sure to keep in mind is our relationship. It is one that not only effects us, but also my husband and the kids. We never want to loose each other's respect. So we always make a day every month to talk about anything we need to get off our chest and always try to respect each other's space, values, and opinions in the process.
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