It’s taken me eight years to realize that men aren’t good mind readers. As a sensor feeler, I have always been able to easily tell when something was even the slightest wrong with him. I can see it in the way he curves his mouth, the sternness in his voice, and even in the way he carries it in his walk.
But he doesn’t see the world like I do. My husband needs me to outwardly tell him and go the extra mile to even explain it. And for the longest time I didn’t get it. Instead of choosing words, I always expected him to just know, to just get it, to see it written all over my face, and to correct whatever the hell was wrong. It seemed so obvious, and yet no matter how much I ignored him through doing chores or occupying my time doing ANYTHING else, he just didn’t get it.
The day that life became easier was the day that I not only realized this by also finally learning how to communicate properly. He’s made me learn that men need it spelled out for them. And honestly, they shouldn’t have to in my opinion, especially when we are communicating in a way that they can fully understand.
No one understands subtle pouting, sudden mood swings, or the indirect silent treatment. So why did I think that the easiness of communication was easier to just shut down, close off, clam up, ignore, and distance from the problem at hand? I’d rather crawl in a hole than really approach conflict. That’s why. But stuffing my feelings does no good. And my husband...well he’s great at communicating. He doesn’t need to sulk or redirect his moods. Why? Because people do not show their love by random guessing what is going on in someone's mind and he recognizes that. He shows his love rather by asking questions, listening, supporting, and learning.
Making him feel like a lesser person in the relationship because he can't do this wackadoo expectation is just setting him up for failure and why would I want my husband to fail? How is that going to make our marriage last? Healthy relationships happen when both people get to win. When both get to feel great, supported, and more importantly, loved.
Every move that we make should be working towards asking questions when we need answers, actively listening to answers, and trying our best to understand each other. So here's my vow to better communication with my husband. To asking what's wrong, and telling him when he asks. To letting him know when I'm interested instead of being subtle. To explaining to him if I've had a bad day so that he can know and learn how to support me. To sharing my expectations with him so that we can figure out what works for both of us. Working towards a win-win relationship that will last the tests of time.
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