Last night, my 2 year old threw the biggest fit at the end of the party, kicking his legs and screaming at the top of his lungs all over bubbles! He made a scene, continued it in the car, and cried himself to sleep. And it wasn't his first time having a temper tantrum, and I'm sure that it won't be his last. But with every tantrum, whether it be whining and crying to full blown screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding, I have learned so much with each one.
How to Avoid Them
- Give them plenty of attention during the positive times. Children learn the best through reinforcement. And tantrums are no exception. We need to reward and praise our toddlers with a lot of attention when they have positive behavior, not just cause attention when they have negative behavior. Because in doing so, they will seek more to do those positive behaviors to gain your attention over the bad ones.
- Give them a little control over the little things. Offer them choices! Even toddlers are great decision makers when we allow them to be. And in doing so, they will be left feeling empowered rather controlled. Which leads to less rebelling.
- Distractions are your best friend! Take advantage of your toddler's short attention span. If you see them starting to get frustrated, offer them something else. This may be starting a new activity or just completely changing their environment.
- Set them up to succeed. A lot of a toddler's frustration comes from not being able to understand. So we must start with something familiar and simple with a toddler before we can upgrade to a more challenging task. And that means knowing their limits!
- Choose you battles. Carefully consider what they are asking for before rejecting them.
Tactics to Use
- Keep your cool. I know easier said than done, but it's an important step. Don't complicate the situation by adding in your own frustration. Remember, tantrums are a normal part of child development. Your job is to help your toddler learn how to calm down, so you must lead by example. So use the tantrums as an educational opportunity rather than looking at it as a complete disaster.
- Know the different actions for the different tantrums. If it's nearing nap time or is way past their bed time, give them some comfort. If they are trying to receive your attention in a negative way, either ignore it completely or provide distraction. If they need some one-on-one attention, take them to a quiet, safe place removing them from the environment. And if they are completely out of control, consider a time out (with no time limit) - let them take the time to fully clam down, regain control, and it'll let them feel empowered because it let's them know that they affect the outcome of their actions.
What to do Afterwards?
- Never reward or give in. They are NEVER going to learn if you do so.
- Verbally praise them for regaining control. It is going to positively reinforce emotional control, help them see the outcome of their actions, and let them see how they should actually react to situations.
- ALWAYS give reassurance of love through hugs and kisses!
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