I don't expect my kids - nor anyone else's - to have impeccable manners all day, every day! Because let's be honest, they have many years to properly learn all of the ins and outs associated with etiquette. And we all know a few adults who could use a lesson or two themselves. However, I do believe that there are certain fundamentals that every person should be taught from an early age.
Why Teach Manners?
For one thing, having good manners go a long way in society. There is a social expectation set on kids to have good manners. It gains not only themselves, but also their parents a level of respect. At the heart of good manners is a respect for others and one's self. They give a feeling of sensibility of other people - giving people the feeling of appreciation. It also shows their respect for their parents. Showing that they know what they have been taught and appreciate the lesson.
You also give your children a big favor by teaching them manners by setting them up for a successful future. It could mean the difference of them getting a leg up in a job interview and having successful relationships with future partners, teachers, coaches, employers, and peers.
Important Manners to Teach
- To say "please" and "thank you". Teaching them to say them when receiving something or when someone has helped them. It will show them how to use consideration, appreciation, and gratitude.
- To say "excuse me". Teaching them to do so when they need to move past someone, bump into someone, or want to get someone's. It will show them consideration for others.
- To not interrupt. Teaching them to never interrupt someone's conversation or actions unless it is a true emergency.
- Showing them how impolite it is to make comments on someone's physical appearance. It will teach them how to make others feel good, to never judge people based on appearance, and treat others the way they want to be treated.
- To ask for permission. Teaching them to ask before taking or using something that is not their own.
- The importance of gratitude. Teaching them to appreciate when receiving gifts or help from other people.
- How to use proper hygiene. Teaching them to do things like covering mouth when coughing, sneeze into elbow, or chew with mouth closed.
- To politely respond when someone is talking to them. Teaching them to look them in the eyes, shake hands, and respond when someone is directly talking to them. It will show them how to show respect for other people, the importance of social skills, and how to show interest in others' ideas and feelings.
- To respect other people's privacy especially during bathroom usage. Teaching them to knock on the door first and then wait for a response before opening it.
- The idea of table manners. Teaching them to not reach across the table when they want something, instead asking to be passed to them, not banging utensils on the table, or chewing with mouth open.
- To hold the door for others. Teaching them to hold it if someone is just behind them and saying "thank you" for when someone does so for them.
- To clean up after themselves. Teaching them to pick up their toys after play time, putting their dishes after meals, or throwing away any trash from their snacks.
- To have sportsmanship when playing. Teaching them to never be a sore loser or an overzealous winner.
How to Teach Kids Manners
- Positive Reinforcement: Children love praise, especially when it comes from the people they respect the most - their parents. It's easy to respond to undesired behaviors and to ignore the victories. But praising your child whenever learning a new skill is the easiest way to keep them looking forward to continuing to do the behavior. And the same goes with etiquette training. This could be done when they say "thank you" or putting down electronics for meal times. For younger kids, you may want to say "good job" or say "thank you" yourself. While for older kids, you may need to award more privately, showing your appreciation for behaving politely or giving positive feedback. And the easiest way to do so is to take them out in public so that they can properly practice the skills that they've learned.
- Check Yourself: If you want your child to practice good manners, you must be a good role model in doing so. Because no matter what the age, children always look to the people in their lives. Sometimes it's easy as adults to use manners that feel the most comfortable with. So it's important to pay attention to how you interact with your spouse and family members. This means asking for things politely, showing appreciation to people who are kind to you, or handling situations with appropriate behaviors.
- Role-Play: This will give your kids the opportunity to become more comfortable with their new skill set before practicing it out into the world. Because it is unrealistic to have your child magically pick up a new habit by telepathy. They need to know what the rules. Pretend to be a friend or another adult and see how your child will respond to different situations. Such as how to properly greet people, ask for the things they want, or say "thank you" to receiving things. And then kick in that positive reinforcement!
- Provide Explanations: Avoid a lecture-like feel to your explanations, because let's be real - kids have the shortest attention spans and care less and less the longer you drag on. Instead find a way to simply state why a specific behavior or action may not be appropriate. And also make it age appropriate. Making it a big deal or out of their intellectual grasp will inadvertently just encourage the behavior to continue And also make them age appropriate.
- Set Realistic Expectations: If you don't make the whole process tailored to your child's development, it will never go right! This means teaching your toddler the basics, such as saying "please", "thank you", and "sorry" or basic table manners. While moving to more advanced things with older children, such as phone etiquette and communication skills. And it may be better to let your kid focus on one skill at a time. Giving a kid too much at once can make them feel overwhelmed and in turn, just make the skill go in the complete wrong direction. And also know that it's okay to revisit skills that were once mastered in order to make sure they are continually remembering to use that skill.
Should we expect our kids to be flawless manner filled children? Of course not, children are never going to be perfect - they're human. They forget stuff, especially when emotion filled and need our help. Hell, even adults forget too, that's why we have so many ill-mannered people displayed on our screens on a day-to-day basis. But if we can benefit our children by teaching them manners to set them up for success for the rest of their lives, and doesn't require too much effort on our accord, why wouldn't we? So please do everyone a favor and teach your kids some damn manners.
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