When my husband and I decided to have a second baby, we knew that meant having it about 2-3 years after my first. For two main reasons: (1) I always heard how much better they would get along being closer in age and (2) I grew up the youngest - 3 years from my brother and 5 from my sister. There was nothing that I longer for more than to be as close as they were growing up or to have another sibling closer to my age. But there are so many things I didn’t think about with being pregnant and raising a toddler.
How much I would envy first time moms.
This time around I was pregnant with two close friends of ours. Both of which were first time moms. While they napped at will, I was watching my toddler bounce around the house like a damn wild banshee as my eyes prayed for the sleep they were getting. And oh my gosh, sometimes I just wanted to shake them into my reality for wishing away their precious moments of solitude as they’d rather be with their baby. Not listening to any advice to cherish their sleep and freedom while they still could on a whim.
How I would begin to think my toddler had psychic powers.
I mean come on. How did he happen to know that I had absolutely no energy in the very moment that he required my immediate assistance or wanted me to fly him around the house like an airplane? How could he possible need THAT snack right now as I just sat down to eat my first meal of the day at 3 am? Why does he have to potty for the fourth time this hour at the same time I am longing HARD to just lie down on the couch? My answers are...I don’t know. He just always happened to ask for something, well everything, when I felt like I had absolutely NO energy left. He pushed me past every limit that I ever thought that my body, let alone my pregnant body, was capable of. And then on the days that I did find the energy and was more than comfortable, well those were the days he was an angel - entertaining himself, wanting to be completely independent, and going without even one complaint, demand, whine, or tantrum.
How my belly would become a new toy.
Somehow as my belly grew larger, my son began to think that it was his personal jungle-gym at theme park Mommy. I was kicked, body slammed, and even used as a pillow. Some days I really thought he believe it acted as a trampoline - bouncing off of it as he jumped on it. He didn’t quite grasp the concept that a little human, who already lived in a confined space, didn’t like her 30 pound brother body slamming into her. I honestly was SO worried that she would be born with a thousand bruises due to her big brother‘s curiosity about the grand new mommy toy.
The lack of sympathy I would get.
Of course I got loads of sympathy from family and friends for my latest pregnancy endeavor. But my toddler could give two shits when it came to sympathy. He didn’t care how bad I felt, how much energy I lacked, how bad my back hurt, or how much I threw up that day. All he knew was he wanted fruit snacks and he wanted them now! Oh, and there better not be any damn excuses. He basically developed his own “no tolerance rule“ and pregnancy was not an exception.
That the pregnancy would feel 10 times harder and worse than the first time around.
I wasn’t able to tell at first if it was the whole “all pregnancies are different” thing or if it was due to my toddler running me ragged, not being able to eat as much, and not being able to throw up in peace. Well actually do anything in peace. But I felt 10 times more exhausted, 10 times more awful, and just 10 times more over it.
How my toddler would become a stage 5 clinger.
For the whole. nine. months. Having a baby is a lot of change. Especially for a toddler. My growing belly had him in a tizzy. He just couldn’t comprehend it. I kept saying how there would be a new baby, a sister, and him becoming a big brother. And I think it scared him. He didn’t want to lose us. I mean he was the center of attention for two years. And now he could tell something was coming that not only changed mama‘s body but also his life. So, you cannot walk out the room without telling them where you’re going. Oh, and god forbid if you do because you’ll have a screaming toddler attached to you like an extra limb shouting “Mama! Mama!” And let me tell you, it’s never good. And let me give you a tip: Never - and I mean NEVER - sneak away. Because they will find you and there will be the biggest tantrum in toddler history. And forget about daddy ever getting lovings. There is no longer enough to go around.
The dreaded regression.
My toddler didn’t do bad after his sister came, but my whole pregnancy was a different story. All of a sudden he didn’t know what the hell a potty was, wanted to use a bottle (which he hasn’t even seen since he was a year and a half) and a pacifier (that he hadnt used since he was four months old). Let’s just say, I lost every bit of sanity as each day slowly passed as my toddler slowly tried to transform into a baby yet again.
How many times we would share temper tantrums.
I swear in some days, my husband couldn’t tell who the toddler was and who the adult was. Because some days when he got home we were both crying. Him because he NEEDS that one time sword to his superhero that I searched for high and low for over 2 hours for and me because I was hurting, exhausted, and hungry. There was nothing that I craved more than to just sit down, give my feet some rest, ease my back pain a bit, and calm my mind. But he would not have it. So, more often than not I would let him have it out. Screaming to the point where I would eventually start crying myself. Oh, hormones. They’re great, aren’t they? And then eventually he would stop crying to consul me and then I would feel like he was the parent coming to tell me everything is okay.
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