Dear Stay-at-home-mom,
Do you remember the days when this was the dream? When all that you pictured as a little girl was getting married and having babies? I mean aren't they practically a given birthright to us? From the very beginning were given baby dolls - we're taught how to cradle them, care for them, and be a "mom" before we can even care for ourselves. We grow up having mothering ingrained in us. And now...were here. That doll and pretend life has now come alive.
Way before I even had kids, I knew that I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom while my kids were young. And then before I knew it, out popped two adorable children and my dream came true! I cook, clean, and care for human beings in a whole new level. Stay home is a privilege, right? Well little did I know that this blessing would be a mixed with a bit of elation and isolation.
Most days I feel like I've done everything, and absolutely nothing at all. It's challenging. You never are physically alone, sharing every meal, trip to the bathroom, shower, and every other moment of your day with kids by your side. But that doesn't mean that you still don't feel alone. There are days that I sometimes wander through Target or Walmart or any other public place hoping for stolen glances that can segway into some more human adult interaction that isn't my husband.
But then when we do get those interactions it's mostly the same of how lucky we are, or blessed, or how it'll all be worth it one day. But it doesn't help, if anything it magnifies the mom guilt that we already feel. Sometimes it's not even our choice. Childcare is expensive so it only makes since to throw all of that energy that would only bring home four hundred dollars every two weeks after paying for day care would be thrown into our families.
And I don't think people truly know what it means to be us. We never really get to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, warming it up four time a day as it's been lost in the chaos. We never really get to enjoy a shower alone, always having the kids in with us because they love it or because there just isn't enough time in the day to do the two tasks separately. And we never really get "me time", using quiet times to catch up on bills, dishes, cleaning, meal times, or the laundry that's been staring at us since yesterday. Oh, and maybe,just maybe, we can sneak in some food before the kids wake up or need us to do something.
Staying home is not easy. No matter how many times people minimize the work that we do or say that they envy or ability to lounge in pajamas all day long. And maybe that's why we are so afraid to ask for help. We're afraid. Afraid that our needs are not valued, that they aren't enough, or that they will depict us as failures.
What you need to know is that I see you. I see all of the hard work that you put into raising your kids. The most difficult, undervalued kind of work. Work that was made just for you. You never needed to apply for it or take extra courses because you have always been qualified for this position. And although at the roughest moments it may feel like you're failing at the whole time - giving way too much screen time, had too many fast food meals this week, and just can't seem to keep the house clean - I see that you are doing the work of the mighty.
You are a good mom. You are sacrificial and serving. You are the one that gives up a few years of her own life to guarantee another the best years of theirs. You are creating memories even on the mundane days. You are providing the consistency that every child deserves. You are their biggest teacher. You are a cook, chauffeur, social event coordinator, speech therapist, housekeeper, playmate, protector, dictionary, personal entertainer, child development specialist, toy fixer/finder, nurse, librarian, P.E. teacher, best friend, and most importantly a mother!
You are employed by the greatest company in the world: childhood. And just like any other job, you are not expected to enjoy every minute of it. But one day you'll get a little bit of the life that you crave so much back. You'll have warm meals all day, hot coffee every morning, and unstained clothes to wear. And you'll also have all of these years to remember.
So keep on going my fellow stay-at-home-moms! You're doing great even on the not-so-great days.
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