I wish that I could freeze time, as it is...right now. And live in it for the rest of time. You, my children, are so pure, so curious, and so full of wonder. You should never have to grow up and change.
As I sit here watching you play and tumble all around the room, I try to absorb your every detail: The focus furrowing your brows as you study every flash of color and sound on the screen displaying Cars in the background. The surprise and excitement displayed in your widened eyes as you spot your favorite toy. The tenderness in your smile as you laugh at each other. The softness in your voice as you ask me questions and make your own observations. You are gentle little humans, yet are so determined to be great in the big big world that you live in.
And I wish this moment right her was enough for you, as it is for me. I wish that you were content with staying here forever with me. I wish that you never had to learn more about this crazy world than what you already do.
Because you are too good. You are way too pure. You don't at all deserve what this world is capable of doing to you. You don't deserve what may be lying ahead.
So I want to ask you stay with my right here, in this moment, my children. Stay with me in a world that cannot reach, that cannot ever hurt you. Where you can stay happy, wholesome, innocent, and given all my love.
I am afraid , my children. Afraid of this world. Afraid of whether it will break your beautiful kind heart one day. Afraid that you will feel like you failed, like I once did. And afraid that no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, that I won't be able to stop it.
Of course I will try my darn best to try to protect you, but what if that's not enough? What id I can't save you? What if I can't save you from this world? Or even worse from myself? What if I am the one to blame for ruining your innocent world that you live in now? What if I fail you, my little ones?
But as I sit here watching you, wishing I could freeze time and live here forever, I know that if i asked you to stay, it would be no. Because you believe in me. You trust me. You have no doubt in my abilities to be your mother. You have a faith in me that gives you all of the confidence in the world to keep on learning, keep on exploring, and keep on growing.
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