Being a stay-at-home mom means that my computer and phone are like another limb to me. With every buzz of the phone, I react. Admittedly, probably ever faster than I do to my son as he competes for my attention. A competition that makes me feel sad, guilty, and afraid of the connection that I have with the technology available at my fingertips.
My distracted attention became a harsh reality check to me this morning. My son physically grabbed the phone out of my hands and set it down as he handed me a toy saying "please mom", after repeated attempts to grab my attention. It made my heart fall to the pit of my stomach. And I found myself falling into the category of the "tuned out parent". I was disappointed to say the least.
After all, I made the decision to stay home with our kids. To take the time to teach them, make them food, and be there for every experience. But instead, I have at times (despite being more physically at home) been less emotionally connected to them as technology has popped our parent-child bubble.
Believe me I get it, sometimes I have a legitimate excuse to looking at the screen all day. I have to check emails and schedules, research, update, shop, send out messages, make some plans, and sometimes even make some calls. But I know that I also use it as a form of entertainment and distraction.
Of course being a "good enough parent" is fine (something I am satisfied in most of the time) and being occasionally distracted by the phone will not harm my kids. But what I am saying is that I need to find a balance. A perfect tie between finding time spent on technology and time for quality interactions with my children.
What I Am Going to Do:
Take stock of what I actually need my phone for.
I am going to compile a list of all of the important everyday phone activities. Looking for what I truly need for my job as a mom and blogger vs. what is just there for fun. I think that it will reassert control over my phone by letting me figure out how I should actually be using it. Rather than letting it use me.
Establish some rules for the WHOLE family.
No phones/iPad for the first hour in the morning or in the first hour of getting home. No phones/iPad when daddy is home - until bed time. No phones/iPad during meals and other family times.
Take 10 minutes (aside from "preschool time") to give them my undivided attention twice a day.
I want to support positive attention and emotional connections. And it's a very doable task. To make a noticeable effort to spend merely 10 minutes of quality time with my kids is not a ridiculous option.
Get my FOMO (Fear of missing out) under control!
- Practice taking my time living in the now.
- Practice distinguishing what is just desirable and choose to eliminate the things that don't contribute the deepening of my life in quality experiences. And that means learning to say no to more things because honestly, more isn't necessarily better.
- Go for the experience rather than the symbol. Sure, pleasure is a wonderful feeling, but an obsessive preoccupation with it can diminish the ability to have deeper fulfillment and nourishment of the soul.
- Be willing to not have it have it all. Needs are limited and desires are endless, but if I can prioritize then I can be better attentive to the things that matter.
- Practice mindfulness. Striving for a deeper satisfaction through being present and giving non-judgemental awareness to my moment-by-moment experiences.
- Prioritize relationships over acquisitions. Investing my time and energy in them and cultivating the skills that they require.
- And I need to just enjoy the process by taking it one step at a time!
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