What is mom guilt? Basically the feeling of guilt for being completely human. Getting angry, yelling, stressed, and anxious - things that everybody feels at some point in their lives. Yet, as mothers, we punish ourselves for feeling completely normal. Sometimes without even realizing it. Instead, we disguise it as feeling as though our children deserve better. A mother who doesn't get angry as fast, yell as much, get so dang tired, or play, teach, and smile all day long.
Things I Often Feel Guilty About
- Thinking that my children are annoying. Obviously my children are extremely cute, sweet, and loving little tiny humans...well except when they aren't. And it's okay! I shouldn't feel the need to have to spend the entire day completely admiring them. Because let's be honest, kids are ANNOYING! Even my own - more often than not, especially my own.
- Being bored. Of course it's a blast to play with my kids. I get to watch them master new skills, conquer new games, and use their amazing imagination. But sometimes, all my son wants is to play dinosaurs for what feels like the millionth time that day and I find myself feeling a little...bored.
- Not always enjoying breastfeeding. I find breastfeeding completely wonderful and an amazing experience. And I am so thankful that not only was able to breastfeed my first child, but go even longer now with my second. But oh my gosh, sometimes all I want to do is miss a damn pump session, for my baby to feed just a little bit faster, to just be done with the whole process, and to have my own bobbies back!
- Being a complete bitch. Most days are wonderful with my kids, but some days I have a hurricane of a bad mommy day. Then all I do is snap. I snap at the kids, at the dog, and at my husband. Because I'm just done with it all.
- Being embarrassed by my kids. It is inevitable that at some point every child will throw the biggest tantrum in the most public of places. And my kid has definitely paid his dues...multiple time. In grocery stores, restaurants, at parks, and much much more. And it is inevitable that I would feel completely embarrassed especially with all of the stares from the lingering eyes and shaking heads.
- Letting them have too much screen time. Because I just needed ONE MOMENT to myself! Yes, limiting screen time is ideal. But, some days, that plan just has to be thrown out the window so that I can try to finish all of the other tasks to be completed for that day.
Strive for Good, Not Perfect
Not every day needs to be perfect. Life isn't perfect. It's tangled with ups and downs in every situation, and being a mother is one of them. Some days I'm going to be an amazing mom and some days I'm going to just be a good enough mom. And that's perfectly fine. Mom guilt stems from the unrealistic expectations that we set on ourselves. But we have to think about ourselves from our kids perspectives life is just going to be better. They love us because we're their moms and whatever half-ass job you feel like you're doing, they are still going to love you no matter what.
Have Some Self-Compassion
Learning how to deal with the guilt is finding a way to learn how to treat ourselves with even the tiniest bit of kindness and gentleness. This means giving ourselves the right to make mistakes. Because WE ARE HUMAN too. We are bound to make mistakes - and the best thing that we can do is to learn from them and think of how to make it better tomorrow. We need to be able to let go of the little things that so that we can have energy to care of and change the things that really matter. Learning how to move forward not only as individuals, but also as a family. And in order to do so, we have to be willing to recognize that we are more than just moms. While it is and always will be the most important title we hold, it's not the only one.
I'm here to say it's okay to love your kids and be happy by simply looking at them, while also hating their screaming tantrums and constant whining. As moms, we don't always have to be moved, motivated, and excited about parenting. Nothing and nobody is perfect, and we don't need to be either. I'll be honest, there's no cure for mom guilt. There is only the ability to forgive yourself when you don't meet your own standards and being willing to do better tomorrow. So keep on going mamas!
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