Being a stay-at-home mom can be a very thankless job sometimes. Most days I feel like I am killing myself all day long to look around to see that nothing actually got done. The house in the same condition as this morning. If anything, it may have even gotten worse. But here I am, still exhausted and trying to make dinner with children wrapped around me. And oh! I just realized that I haven’t even showered in the last two days. On top of it all, people are always giving out unsolicited backhanded comments that do nothing but undermine my hard work as a SAHM.
Comments like “it’s so amazing that your husband has a job that allows you to stay home.” Yes this is true. But it’s so much more that that. Because income wasn’t the stamp that sealed the letter on my decision to stay home. It was a choice to not pay all of my income on day care, to give my kids the best opportunity to learn, to have a little more time with them while they want me around, and to make sure that they are being raised day in and day out the way that we eat them to be raised.
Comments like “I need more stimulation than JUST staying at home.” Like my kids aren’t stimulation enough. They’re there when I have to pee, they’re there while I shower, I am constantly picking up messes, and of course there‘s the plans that I try to devise to somehow get both kids down for a nap TOGETHER and the dog to be quiet so I can just have a moment alone (Which usually include cleaning or cooking that I have to make up for).
Comments like “Isn‘t it weird using all of your husband‘s money?” Do you think my husband should feel weird using the clothes I just washed, dried, and folded? No. Do you think my kids should feel weird eating the meal I spent an hour making? No. So why should I feel at all weird for being part of a partnership? My husband works hard to provide for our WHOLE family.
Comments like “I wish I could be in your shoes.” I know that my life looks pretty good - staying in pajamas all day long, never worrying about my hair or make up, and never having to worry about a job. But won’t you don’t see us that I am still wearing my pajamas because I haven’t gotten the opportunity to shower today. You don’t see that my hair lives in a messy bun because I am constantly running around, with never any time to properly take care of me. You don’t see that I no longer answer to a boss, but I do answer to children at 6 am sharp who demand a never-ending list of “basic“ needs. None of it is ever a vacation.
Comments like “Do you ever plan to going back to a REAL job?” Staying home with my kids may not seem like a “real” job. But let me tell you. I do not get a paycheck every week or two, sick time, or vacation hours. So yeah it may not be a conventional job, but it sure does damn feel like it. Because it sure does feel like a job when I have to get up at 4 am to prepare for my day after getting up twice last night to fix blankets or change something sheets. It sure does feel like a job when I start my days with my kids at 6 am and don’t get to sit down without worry until bed time. It sure does feel like a job when I have deadlines to make in teaching my kids the milestones they need, the house to be clean for my husband to come home to, and mouths you feed at certain times. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing when my kids evemtually go to school, but I do know that right now I’m doing a pretty important job until that happens.
Comments like “It must be nice to be with your kids 24/7.” Sure, it’s nice. Nice spending your days with a strong-willed, high pitched screaming, and snack demanding 20-pound tiny human attached to your hip all day long. It’s nice when I cannot pee without a kid on my lap, fold clothes without a kid on my leg, cook a meal without a kid on my hip, or shower without a kid in there with me. It’s even nicer when you actually have something very important to do, but can’t without trying to scheduling it around nap times or locking yourself in your room as your kids destroy the house. It’s all really “nice”.
Comments like “You don’t get it, you’re JUST a mom.” I may not have to commute to work every day, work 9-5 hours, or have adult conversations that don’t include my husband everyday. But just because I am a stay-at-home mom, doesn’t mean that I am just a mom. Because just like I was before I had kids, I am someone. I am a boss, running my own blog with the little bit of free time that I have. I am a nurse, taking care of my kids when they get sick or hurt. I am a handy-woman fixing al other things going wrong in the house. I am a housekeeper, constantly cleaning up messes, doing he dishes, and putting away laundry. I am a counselor, helping my children work through their feelings. I am a teacher, educating my kids every day on school topics and social topics. I am WAY more than “just a mom”.
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