Why I Say ‘No’ When People Offer to Watch My Kids

A lot of moms jump at the very notion of letting someone watch their children, even for a couple hours. I get it, motherhood is damn tiring. And it’s nice to have a break to not only reconnect with yourself, but also your husband. But for me, a lot of the offers that I receive, I turn down. Which I am sure may offend some, but there is so much more that goes into my ‘no’ than I think they realize.

They will DESTROY your house.

Having two kids under the age of 3 is A LOT. Everyone may think that it’s all fun and games, and may even want to be part of the action. And while my children are a ton of fun, they are also a lot of work, time, and stress. Sometimes having two littles all over the house - one crawling one direction and the other jumping off something in the other - can be overwhelming. And I don’t ever want to throw that onto anyone. Plus, in the process they WILL destroy your house. In five minutes or under. Because with double the trouble, they feed off of each other, behaviors often spiraling out in coherence easily.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may say no because you have absolutely no idea what you’re signing up for.

My house looks like it’s been ransacked.

Not only will they destroy your sanctuary, but they’ve already done it to mine. So when you offer to just come over to my house to better accommodate for them, I have to say no. Because most days, I just do not have the tome or energy to make my house while again before you come over. And I know that you may say that you don’t care what it looks like, or even that you get it, but a part of me is ashamed. And even though I spend a huge chunk of my days cleaning it, being a SAHM still leads to not-long-lasting cleanliness.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may say no because I feel a bit vulnerable and exposed in a sense to what state my house may be in.

I have mommy anxiety.

I didn’t know what true anxiety was until I had kids. And as soon as I found I was pregnant, it hit like a ton of bricks. Are they safe? Are they well protected? Are they properly fed? Are they being changed and take to the potty on time? Did they stop breathing without anyone noticing? Will my toddler figure out how to get out the house when you’re not watching? It truly NEVER ends. I‘m constantly terrified that something will happen to my precious babies. Most of the time irrationally. Because the unknown scares me especially with my children and that includes having someone else watch them who may not be as attentive. But keeping them in a controlled environment in which I can watch over them helps relieve it.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may say no because being with them gives me a lot less stress and anxiety.

Having a routine has saved my sanity.

As a SAHM, my routine is my EVERYTHING. I try to keep my kids running on the same schedule Monday - Friday. And it’s something I’m desperate to not change. It’s taken a lot of work to get them onto perfect sleep, preschool, play, and eating schedules. And frankly, having the opportunity to get out without them just sometimes isn’t worth messing that all up.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may say no because I’m honestly scared that it may affect their routine, making everything harder to get back to the next day.

I don’t know you well enough.

Surprisingly, I get a lot of offers from people that I just don’t know very well. And I know that most of them mean well and want to help when they see this frazzled and exhausted mummy of a mother walking around. And for me, it isn’t worth risking something even minor happening to my children because I let a stranger watch my kids.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may say no because I’m cautious and may not know you well enough for my comfort.

I know you too well.

Let‘s face it, sometimes I say no because I just know you way too well. I know your personality, your stress levels, your discipling technique, and everything else tangled up in your parenting/babysitting style. And it may just not line up with ours. Which most of the time is completely fine. Because that may be what just works for your family. But our kids are young, living within a fragile state of growing and learning. And with this comes a lot of work of instilling In them the values that we want them to carry for the rest of their lives.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may so no because I just know you too well and it may not match up with what we have in mind for the care of our children.

I can’t have them sick...AGAIN.

As a nurse‘s daughter, I see germs EVERYWHERE. In my life as a SAHM, I feel like my family often stands on a tightrope of functionality and sanity. So when a person in our family gets sick because someone spread germs to them without the mention that they were sick in the first place, it could be infuriating to say the least. One kid gets sick, passes it to the other, and then gets spread to me and my husband. I mean, I cannot tell you how many times our whole house has gotten sick after a playdate or family event that involved quite a few kids.

All that I ask is that we at least receive a heads up that you’ve been sick so that we can effectively decide to come over or not. And that may sometimes be a no even if you may no longer be sick, because those germs are still remote.

And I get a lot of judgement on this one. And although I understand that getting sick helps build the immune system and that everyone gets sick in life, I don’t need my kids walking into a pool of germs after just finishing their own sickness or when their healthy life has been going so well.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may so no because I just don’t need sickness in our house right now.

They are MY responsibility.

These little monsters are my babies. I decided to get pregnant. I decided to give birth to them. And I decided to raise them. So they are my responsibility. I don’t NEED to go out every once in a while. Sure, it may feel nice once it happens, but it’s definitely not a necessity. But you know what is to me? Taking care of my kids. My job, especially as a SAHM, is to make sure that my kids are safe and protected. And I’m not saying that my husband and I shouldn’t go out, or that we never do. We actually try to at least once a month. But for now, we’re completely happy staying home with our kids.

So when you ask to watch my kids, I may say no because I enjoy being with my kids 24/7 right now, reveling in them before they grow up way too fast.

The offers to watch my children are truly kind, and always appreciated. It’s always a sign of just how much you love not only is but our kids as well. And I thank you for that. I’m sure on day, I may just have to take you up on it. But for right now, what we have works for us. So know that when I say no, it’s not because we don’t love the offer or appreciate your support, we are just still figuring out this whole parenting thing. And we completely appreciate the latitude to be able to do so. So I may say no, but at the same time, I am saying thank you.