Dear Blanca,
I've wanted to write you this letter for a while now. I have tried a few times to try to get what I've wanted to say, but the words sometimes come out sounding trite, and even perhaps insincere. But I want to do it. So here we go...
I know that at some point you wondered about me, and maybe even that kind of person I might be. You probably even feared that I was some interesting piece of work. I'll admit, that I was afraid myself. I was afraid from the moment I met him, that I wouldn't measure up to the woman who raised such a great guy. Flash forward to now, and almost every day, people still tell me how lucky I am to be married to your son. And I'll be honest with you, sometimes the words sting to hear them. It's not that I don't know what an amazing man he is as a husband and father, I promise you - I really do. I cherish him more than I think you sometimes realize. But, eventually, in all those remarks I begin to here a little something like, "you're so lucky a man like him chose you." It begins to feel like somehow he settled for me, that I had very little to offer, and the stars aligned more in my favor.
Which I guess is where my insecurities start to creep in - that I am not good for him, our children, and our family as a whole. But it's also in these moments of wrestling my insecurity as a wife and mother, that I become more convinced that luck had absolutely nothing to do with how I landed a man like Marc. Because now that I am a mother raising my own kids, I look at my husband and see you.
I see your sleepless nights and restless days. I see your stretched dollars, sometimes living from paycheck to paycheck. I see your guilt. I see the hours that you've spent lying awake wondering if you were a good enough mom for him. I see it all now, because I feel it all too. I see your smile and joy, the memories from the hours, days, and years that you've invested into him. I see your dreams and agonies. I see all of your hopes and fears. I see all of your tears and doubt. I can see it all now, because night and day, I am living it too.
And I want to thank you for it. All of it. I truly don't deserve to have your son for the rest of my life. I know that I don't. And that only thing that I can do is admit that and thank God that he has blessed with me with him in at such a young age. And do my absolute best each day to give him everything that I have to offer - which I'm sure on most days are utterly inadequate.
There comes a moment in everyone's life where they realize just how blessed they're lives are. For me, I am blessed in love, health, friendship, and especially family. I try so much not to take my family for granted, and when it comes to my extended family by marriage, well I'm just plain ol' grateful. Grateful for my cousin-in-law (basically brother-in-law), who's been a friend since I met him, has always had nothing but good things to say about me and has always been closer than ever to me. Grateful to be welcomed into a new family as though I'd always been a member of the crew. But most importantly, I am grateful for you. One of the most supportive individuals that I've been lucky enough to call my mother-in-law. It isn’t often one feels completely confident about the relationship with their mother-in-law, and I’m proud to be a fortunate individuals with two amazing moms in my life who love me.
So I want to thank you again. For listening to me all hours of the day. For offering guidance. when I truly needed it. For laughing at all of our inside jokes. For not judging me too harshly for things other find inappropriate. For letting me be honest about my concerns or complaints. For letting me make snarky comments about my husband with his silly ways. I short, for letting me just be me.
It means the world to watch my children's eyes light up the second they see Meemaw's house and the fact that they'll always know that no matter how far we go, you're always willing to go the distance. You know that our family is happy and encourage it.
I look forward to keep spending future holidays with you, standing with you at the kids' games, celebrate many birthdays, see the kids graduate, and with any luck, welcome more people into our family.
But, I get it. He was your first, well actually your only. And because of you, he has become the man that my children and I could not possibly love more. And I hope that this let's you know how appreciative I am. For every time you've responded to our SOS texts/calls, been present during important family times, and for being everything you are as a confidant, mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother. And as we leave to start our lives soon, I promise to always try to do my part to take care of your little boy. To support him in the ways that he supports me. To believe in him the way that he believes in me. To be the best mom that I can to your grandchildren. And to give them all my whole heart, forever.
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