This week was a tough one. I've been up for at least an hour every night with my daughter as we try to take away her security of the pacifier. Of course choosing to do it within the span that a second tooth is breaking through. She needed comfort. And each time I finally felt myself relax and drift into a good sleep, she needed me. When she was finally into a deep sleep, it was time to start my day with toddler tantrums from my son, diapers to change, messes to clean, and snacks to make...so many snacks. This routine can get a bit exhausting.
I am tired.
I used to be this ball of energy. Making things happen. I used to have these huge dreams. Now, my only wish for the last three years is a long, uninterrupted nap. I mean, wouldn't it be amazing if mothers were prescribed a daily dose of naps? A mother could only dream I guess. For now, I guess I'll have to skip my nighttime reading of my book of the week and actual glimpse adult conversation with my husband to go to bed a little early. Because if I don't get at least a little bit of decent sleep, it feels like our little world will crumble.
I am tired. So very tired, And I am tired of being tired all of the time.
I take my daily vitamins, drink enough water, try to avoid sugar, and exercise regularly, but the tired still somehow creeps through. Right now, I'm just trying to survive on the coffee and milk splashed within this mug right now, and the hour of alone time in the mornings that I get. Sitting in silence, drinking my coffee, reading my bible, and trying not to think about how tired I am.
I'm tired.
Right now, my reading, drawing, and praying is interrupted by kids asking for attention or another snack. And my thoughts are scattered as I try to search for my son's lost LEGO Spiderman or my daughter's puffs before total chaos break out. Spoiler alert - I never really beat the chaos clock.
I am tired. Often feeling like I have nothing to offer. And lately, I'm finding myself less self and more a zombie of tiredness. So I don't really know who I am most days except a mother, wife, chef, and housekeeper to my wonderful, yet exhausting two children and husband.
I don't have much to offer other than quick prayers, sips of my cold again coffee, and rolls of my eyes as I scrounge up another snack. I bring my tired - all of it. I bring my weary mind. I bring my overwhelmed heart. And ask for grace (like in all other things motherhood) to give me the strength to accept me as I am and carry on.
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